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Understanding and becoming aware of this cycle is a virtual key to resolving conflict constructively and compassionately. Keep in mind that much variation exists within a “typical” pattern based upon the level of personal development, cultural background, gender, the influence of other types, and life experience in general.
There are three fundamental aspects to relationship development, all of great importance. Thus the characteristics and attributes presented for each combination are typical or “classic” for these two types.
Featured below is a clickable table linking to 45 possible combinations of Enneagram types in relationship with each other.
These combinations allow us to see deeply within our own character structure and assist us in developing healthy relationships with our partner, family members, friends, clients and co-workers.
The Giver, in turn, can feel unappreciated, judged as being hedonistic and giving too much, and therefore not acknowledged by the emotionally restrained Perfectionist.
A cycle of heightening conflict can manifest with criticism and counter-criticism about what is wrong, who needs help, and what constitutes care.
Perfectionists will support Performers’ work efforts, projects, goal focus, and efficiency.
Performers appreciate Perfectionists’ conscientiousness and devotion to excellence and improvement.
They can result in a circle of conflict characterized by increasing intensity and distress. Key tasks for development In working with these key aspects of relationship development, do keep applying the steps of the Universal Growth Process [link goes here] as these underlie each of these practices. Take time each day to preview the aspects you are working on and at the end of the day, review how you are doing. What to Acknowledge About Self This is about what each individual needs to take responsibility for that contributes to difficulty and distress in the relationship. What to Appreciate About the Other This section elucidates the positive attributes and qualities each individual needs to acknowledge, appreciate, and support in the other. Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship Here I provide the key specific recommendations concerning what each individual in the relationship needs to start doing, stop doing, work on, or accept to improve the relationship, enhance satisfaction, and ultimately create a relationship that truly flourishes.
Perfectionists join together in making the world a better place and in creating synergy in support of each other’s ideals and efforts.
However, they can have conflicting views of “the right way” of experiencing the world and differing standards of “correctness.” These divergent ideals and standards can be the source of conflict and controversy in the relationship.
The Perfectionist, however, can experience the Giver as being too tied to the relationship and even dependent and unnecessarily helpful.
The Perfectionist can receive the Giver’s abundance of good advice as criticism.